Final Concepts

    Reminder, VERY early WIPs. Photoshoot session should happen tomorrow (Wednesday) or before Friday. Hopefully. The mood board below is for rough inspiration as a start  

Mood board Concepts

Concepts/Em Notes

   My idea for my self portrait revolves around ideas of love, emotional intimacy, and healing. I'm still debating on the visual aesthetics and format but I want to make a sort of image series depicting myself AND my partner. Inspired by the domesticity of Carrie Mae Weems’ Kitchen Table Series, I put my own stylistic spin on the composed depiction of romance and personhood. In an interview with Weems posted on YouTube, she describes how women seem to depict intimacy in photos, whether it be with their partners, loved ones or friends, while men oftentimes depict the “outside”. They document “family or themselves”, something they can narratively control in the photographs. The closeness and intimacy of these photos allow the viewer to step up to the photograph and see IT and THEM as people. While Weems’ work focuses on representing what she herself as an artist wants to represent and interpret, I wanted to use this chance to represent my interactions with respect to personhood and emotional closeness. I also wanted to think of a sort of performance art photoshoot in a way, having a plan but also using the spontaneous nature of human company to create the images. I’m not sure if I should use the photo series as photos themselves or edited with drawings over them, or mixed media. I’m going to try to make these decisions in a natural flow, like most of my other works. 

   When I think of a relationship, I don't always think of romance but rather two human beings, themselves full and whole, expressing their worlds in their two joined hands. All of my previous self portraits depict me and me alone, not only because I am uncomfortable taking pictures with other people but also because sometimes I feel trapped in my own head. I struggle to remember people, names, and faces, even after years, likely because I’m uncomfortable with my surroundings and other people. My partner though, is the most important person in my life and has watched me change for six years yet is still here. I don't always enjoy depicting myself but also in some sort of indescribable way I feel like by and the image of myself are alone. It took me a while to build up the confidence to ask my partner to participate in a self portrait with me. I wanted to add a connection to my partner because I feel our relationship is special and every love is special. We do not fight for dominance, our femininity and masculinity doesn’t dictate our relationship. We’re simply both evolving humans with changing lives, and I find the concept of portraying found family and love in photos to be important. I consider it to be a self portrait not only because I'm a part of it, but also because the experience of a healthy relationship has helped me get over much of my trust issues and tainted perceptions of people and love over time. Having lived in a household with lack of love toward one another, I struggled to find healthy dynamics with other people outside of that dynamic. I've struggled with trust issues and over trusting people. Luckily now, after many many years, im finding comfort in fully trusting another person and finally healing from things in my past that have made it difficult to be truly myself, and to accept being loved. 

   My partner was recently away for a month training for his military deployment. He brought me back light sticks that glow blue when cracked. This sparked the idea that I can use that blue lighting like when I did my TV portraits, but this time with a different meaning, from something he gave me as a souvenir, the light being different with a more positive connotation. Once I crack the glowsticks, I can’t try over. Once they fade, that’s it. That’s another reason why I’m using this as a partial performance piece with limits in time and lighting. Another aspect of my project is accepting love while it's here, as I know he's going to leave for deployment soon and I have to cope and come to terms with my feelings during that time. I'm trying to take vulnerability, intimacy, relationship to love and feelings of closeness to portray a sense of longing. Similarly to the glowsticks, once he’s gone for 12 months, I’ll feel alone in the dark. At the same time, I know he’s still there.